At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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