3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
