Your dad touched me again.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
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I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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