This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
