And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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