Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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