1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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