he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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