Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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