community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
