The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize