Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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