Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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