ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
