hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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