According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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