wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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