doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
