hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
