I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Randomize
