Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Can i not drive my cunt home
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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