Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You're my little dorito
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I party with great urgency now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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