My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
