We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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