Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He shit in the fireplace
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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