So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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