trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
