don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
