smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
