i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
