things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
