I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
