I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
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