it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
