you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I could fuck to npr.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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