FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
