This dress was meant to end up on your floor
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
