I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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