So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
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Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
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Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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