Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
