I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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