I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
