I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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