I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
