dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
