I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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