I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
