I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize