He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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