there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
