just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
