if i can run in heels then i can drive
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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