I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
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It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
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He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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