Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
