bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
