I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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