I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
