There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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