i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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