i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize