So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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